Meal time had become super frustrating, as of late. A bargaining table. If you eat this, then you can have this. Some of the bad habits started because we often just take one food item, eat it and then take the next when we are done with the first. The consequences were that are three-year old would often eat a lot of what she liked best and little of the other, maybe, healthier food items.
I'm not sure how it happened, but some how we were needing to find a way to encourage her to eat her food, or to at least try a food. We would start off saying you need to eat 10 bites and after each bite she ate we would subtract one finger. Hey - this worked great for helping her learn to count, and especially count backwards. And then somehow along the way, it turned into her getting a reward for each 10 bites - maybe one chip or one of something else she really liked. It worked o.k. at first, but eventually she learned how to use the system and do her own bargaining. She bargained for only five bights and then three.
I eventually couldn't take it anymore. Something had to change. I started by correcting some of the bad habits....... and now things are much better, calmer, and more relaxing.
We began putting all food on her plate at the beginning of a meal. If chips are part of the meal, they go on her plate. If she wants to eat them first, she can. In the past we always gave chips last. It gives her some control back into meal time. Yet at the same time, Mom and Dad still ultimately have control. In order for her to get seconds of any of her favorite foods, she first has to clean everything off her plate. This has helped her eat more of the good foods, and often, now she doesn't want seconds of her favorites (for example a hot dog), because she is already full. It is working great!
We also set a timer. If the timer goes off and her food is not finished, we take it away. This may seem harsh. But we offer plenty of time. We are slow eaters (I didn't used to be, but I've become like my husband). Meal time is family time. The reason behind this is that she will learn meal time is for eating, not playing. She knows the rules. If she doesn't clean her plate or her plate gets taken away (usually around 45 minutes), then she does not get any snacks or treats. No food until the next meal time. I think we have only taken away her food once.
Most of the time she cleans her plate at every meal. It has cut down on a lot of the playing at the table. Often we no longer set the timer, but wait to set it if she is goofing off. If it gets set, then she knows we are serious. If she doesn't clean her plate, she is usually clear that she is done. She knows then she doesn't get a treat - extra's of her favorites (lately this is blueberries!), candy, ice cream, or chips if they are on the table but were not on her plate, etc. She does not get a treat after every meal, but she knows the eligibility requirements. The only other rule is that she has to TRY everything on her plate. Most often the things she doesn't want to try, she likes and eats all gone.
I only hope this works as well on our second child who is currently in the messy baby food stage. That reminds me - it's time to make more baby food. I post this only in hope it may give someone else an idea who is struggling through meal time.
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